Saturday, November 1, 2008
i've lost that determination. the determination tat took me a long time to look for. the determination tat i cant remember how i found it. school is beginning to be smth i totally dont look forward too. the system is totally unfair, and i seem to be the only one suffering. im an MOE student for a purpose. and being a percussionist and jus calling me up whenever u need me isint helping. do u ppl have any idea how many bloody extra modules i have to complete? tat includes a total of 3 practical modules and 1 teaching module. and i havent mention those tat are compulsory across the cohort. unfair. totally unfair. and now my principal study isnt called 'principal' study anymore. it has jus become an 'instrumental' study. so i have 3 'instrumental' studies. guitar, piano, percussion. im lucky enuff to not have guitar classes started yet, so its down to 2. and it is super stressful. mark's not helping either with wanting me to play FOUR pieces for exam! others play 2, i play 4. WTH. im like. so dead okay. don tell me things like 'su juen, u can do it' n blah blah. cox its always easier said than done.sometimes, i really hate nafa. i think i need to talk to mark about it. i dont have all the time in the world u noe that? i still got a life.performance projects came non-stop for this sem. firstly, it was the turandot opera. im the only one in the section who's involved in the opera. so its one whole mth eaten up. nightly rehearsals ending at 10 or even 11. when turandot FINALLY ended, band performance came up, and percussion ensemble performance is on the same day as band's performance. yes i noe mark's trying to prove himself bcox its his first showcasing of us as his product. but tat jus means tat the preassure's on us right? music is supposed to be my passion. now it feels like a chore. after band and percussion ensemble performance, its time to catch up with my playing. i have 2 days less than the rest to practise. monday is always packed with rehearsals and a lecture from 9am non stop till 6.30. tuesday morning starts with 2 lectures and ends at boon lay at nie. 2 days burnt. even if the time isnt burnt, my head is. but then hear comes the call for performers to play for NAFA's 70th gala concert. another 2 weeks worth of practice gone! and now, the orchestra needs another percussionist. and i have to be in it again. when are all these gonna stop huh? alot of times, ppl like to say things like 'but it turned out to be a great experience rite? it was a great performance right?' well it isn't abt the results. its about the process. u spent hours n hours rehearsing, and tats where the problem lies. those 'hours n hours' could be spent finishing up work or practising tat new technique tat u've been trying to master. classmates like to comment: 'wha u so kelian, got band, got orchestra, got chinese ensemble'. yeah and they are like, freaking free, everytime im attending a rehearsal, they could be at a movie theatre watching the latest movie with galfrens, or out having a really nice dinner with their guy and perhaps afterwards a nice stroll at the beach, or even having home-cooked dinner at home with family and later catching up with all the homework. argh. i've had enuff. and enuff of complaining also. in short, school's become a chore for me, and its not smth im looking forward to, AT ALL. tuesday better be the last performance. i've stopped ALL teaching work already cox i need the time to practice. luckily school's jus beginning to break for study week, i noe mark will wanna kill me the nxt time he sees me for a lesson, and i think its time to talk to him, seriously. so much for being passionate huh.nafa's 70th gala dinner was POSH. i was debuting as a timpani player, and we played at Ritz Carlton hotel. we had a rocky start. or at least, i did. it was hard to keep the timpani in tune, and the 1st piece had alot of percussion solos. it got better during the repeat though. so tat was a relief. adam cheng (zheng shao qiu) sang for the dinner. a few days ago, while at nafa's website, i came acorss the advertisement for the gala dinner. the prices for the dinner were EXPENSIVE. 10 ppl per table: $3000/table, $5000/table and $10000/table. O.O it was formal dining style. saw ladies dressed to their nines. alot of pretty ladies. haha.. i saw the senior minister, but didnt manage to spot the other 2 ministers who were there. ok photos.. while waiting for our rehearsal slot.. 
the table, perhaps a $5000 one... 
the silverware... 
after a looooong break, back in the holding room.. edward, staff of the school 
rit 
jasmine peh! 
andi, played for brass ensemble.. 
did i mention, dinner was food from ritz carlton? whahahhhaha!!!well i was looking thru my photos n found some with really nice memories...
sam (chiang) were frens since 1st jan this yr. haha.. yup. really good frens. then we had a really bad misunderstanding tat isnt resolved till today. haix.. anyway, when we were still really good, he knew i had a weakness for brownie.. there was once i was really really upset cox kenrick left us soo suddenly, and i had jus attended his funeral. my birthday was a few days later i think. so we met up for dinner. and he tried to cheer me up, by secretly ordering a brownie n asking the waitress to serve with a candle on it. lol.. super funny la. but i was so upset tat i din notice all the weird behaviour.. lol.. 
one day a few mths later, i was in school. still in yr one then. happened to be chatting with sam over sms, and complaining how sucky school was tat day. and he showed up, uninvited. with a brownie. LOL. he actually DABAO a brownie with the ICECREAM. wha zai. lol.. really thoughtful guy la (: 
okay next story.
richard, my senior, was known to his frens as someone who changes gf like him changing his clothes. haha.. really fast. generally, he's a really nice guy. has the ah beng style of talking, but other than tat, really nice guy. can be really mean if he wanted to, and can be really nice if he wanted to. so wat happened was tat there was this new gal in sch, a korean. think she's my age. so after many switches of gal, we got to noe tat she was richard's next target. we of cox, didnt pay much attention. i mean, in 2 weeks, he's gonna change his mind again rite? haha.. apparently not. lol. so richard tried to woo her. and by the 4th mth, he was getting really restless already. i talked to him abt it b4 (it was the holidays then). and then i realised tat richard, for the 1st time since i've known him, was really really serious abt her. haha.. when school reopened, they were finally tgt. the gal finally gave him a chance. though sometimes i cant stand them being intimate in the percussion room where everyone else was around, but i think they 2 are a really cute couple. haha.. jus abt a mth back, it was the gal's bdae. and richard went ALL out to celebrate for her. from presents to order of surprises, it was all customised to the gals liking. of cox, it came with a heafty price. 3 figures long for a pair of couple's ring, her present, and a bouquet of flowers, tats all i think. and this is the bouquet of roses. richard changed for this gal, and im sure both of them would be really happy tgt. ^_^ those 2 hor, cute la. lol.. 
wha.. there's a last story to tell i think.. lol.. i cant remember when, but probably 2 mths back? we had supper at watercross, a cafe/pub at a coner of pasir ris park (carpark E). jacq, eugene, benjamin and i were there. it was a 3rd time drinking, a 1st in a looong time. loved the drink i had: orange twist.. i think. cant remember. but it was voldka with orange juice. nice.. :D 
tzehern was supposed to be there too, but we decided so last min to meet up tat he was already with his gf. lol.. so we tried to disturb him by sending him lame msges all at one go. we had 4 ppl, so each of us send one word to him, creating a msg with 4 words. lol.. really lame la. but it was fun. then there was an extra chicken wing left on the platter. so they took a photo of it and decided to show him tat we actually left food for him tat nite. wha. lame. lol.. 
ok there're more photos... random photos from school... 
me, edgar, jimin. composer's platform concert. 
edgar n i (3rd godbro. hahah!). percussion ensemble cum brass ensemble cum symphonic band performance. tats the 'killer' concert. tats the day before the composer's concert. 
front from left: benjamin boo, richard. back from left: sebastian, zheng yi, fifi. last concert's ensemble group. all my seniors and one sectionmate. 
from left: gabriel, richard, benjamin boo, yiang shan, sebastian. latest concert's ensemble group. if u're wondering why im not in the ensemble group's photos, tats cox im the camera man. lol.. 
ok its another loooong story as to how these 2 photos came about, but im not gonna tell the story or else this post will never end. lol..okay.. this is the main purpose of my blogging today. i was talking to hj yesterday. and im glad i talked to him. it all started when i argued tat i don believe anything he says abt me, especially when it concerns the matters of the heart. u see, if u have 3 different ppl telling u 'i love u' over sms, msn and face to face. who are u most likely to believe? of cox the one who tells u face to face rite? cox u get to look into his/her eyes, see his/her body language and actually feel the sincerity (or not) tat the person is showing and tat he/she means wat he say. so its the same thing here. i used to really believe every single word tat hj says and i would jus trust him wholeheartedly. of cox, things changed, and i changed my midset abt him too. but i still maintained the frenship with him cox at the back of my mind, i simply dont believe hj is the kinda person he seem to be potraying to be. jux not convinced. on the other hand, when it came to the matters of the heart, i totally closed up. like, totally. i rejected every guy who asked to stead n stuff. so we came back to this topic yesterday night. and i jus said 'funny, i've never heard u say those things to me before'. and he typed the same thing again (msn). and i was like 'i meant i've never HEARD u say it before'. and then he tried to call me. lol. but of cox he din really say those stuff tat he was suppose to say, but its the first time i've actually talked.. as in TALKed so seriously with hj. and it DOES make a difference. im so glad we had tat conversation, it really proves to me tat all along, i had seen and believed in the hj tat he really was. and it was sincere. watever he said was sincere. and now i have no doubts as to wat he says, like im finally convinced, and sure tat wat he say is wat he meant. eh. cant blame me ma. as musicans, we naturally have higher expectations of the 'art of expression'. LOL. and er. yeah. i'll make every guy do the same thing. in another words, its one of the easiest way to touch me, although its one of the hardest things to do. so, yeah. he finally gained my trust back (:okay i think this is the longest post u can find in my blog. lol. and it took one hour of non-stop blogging/uploading/linking/embedding. i hope u enjoyed it ppl. at least... TAG LA =D
